I've been thinking about cleanliness a lot lately. {Maybe it's all those episodes of Hoarders I've been watching?} The thought of being clean is such an individual thing. Being clean means something different to me than it does to you. And I think in most cases that's probably a good thing. We do, after all, get way too caught up in what other people think of us, at least I do. And though I fully support each of us enjoying our own definitions of things, and living our lives the way we feel is right, without pouring our opinions onto each other, sometimes it's nice to all agree.
And one thing I think we can all agree on, is that sometimes a clean start is exactly what we need. Especially when dealing with infertility. Infertility can be a trap, a pit of despair that is terribly hard to climb out of. Infertility can grab you, pull you down, and it can take a lifetime to get back up. But I wonder what would happen if we all took a minute, thinking about our infertility, and gave ourselves a clean start. What if we:
mopped up our preexisting ideas about infertility and organized some new ideas to think about
scrubbed down our sadness and gave ourselves a shiny new perspective
took out our infertility garbage and gave ourselves a clean container to store happy thoughts
It's not easy to start fresh, especially when you're engulfed in something that can feel so rotten, but for me, today (and after a long, sweet talk with my sweetheart last night about what lies ahead of us as far as more children goes) I'm going to purge some of my unhealthy ideas right along with my leftovers today.
While I give my home the attention it deserves today, I'm going to give me some of that attention too. I'm going to open my mind to things I haven't let myself think about. I'm going to consider options I've never considered before. And I'm going to clean my infertility slate and hopefully gain a new understanding of what The Lord would have me know about our infertility and what happens next.
So what was a horrible idea for us to foster has now become a really viable situation that may get us a second baby in our home. I will let you know how our two hour interview mtg in PHX will go with our agency. Wish us luck!
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