Monday, August 2, 2010
I am also posting as a reminder that adoption is just one other option that we have. After lots of pondering and marriage survival talks. Brad and I have agreed to try insemination's with a sperm donor, 3 treatments to be exact. Talk about hugely awkward for Brad. I really think that PART of a man's self esteem is being able to fit into the role of provider and Father. As I walk on eggshells saying, this is not the complete truth. Of coarse there are all sorts of variations of man roles in the world today. But still, a feeling of being inept hits the surface as we shop online for a donor that meets Brads criteria for a situation replacement. Ever shop online for shoes? Try shopping for a 6 hundred dollar vial of liquid that will give you everything that you ever wanted. After dozens of profiles, dozens of pictures, e have picked 2832 and the beginning of July was our first attempt. After the clomid and trigger injections, doing the 2 week wait I find that the treatment did not take while on a drama filled family trip. Huge disappointment and a feeling of anger came as I soon learned that Ray was pregnant again. I felt different, I was tired, I thought for sure this was it, and then nothing. Well almost nothing, cramps, bloating , back and head pains, then NOTHING. I return with the issue of publicity. We have no money. at all. My father has offered to help and has already put so much into the baby pot. I feel horrible asking for more. We have decided to do two more treatments with a donor and then we are finished. The next two treatments will be on Brad and I. The next step is more clomid, and more injections to get me as fertile as possible. Brad LOVES mixing the vials and injecting me as I freak out and attempt to pass out. Don't forget the internal ultra sound, blood work, and other great procedure that are thrown into the mix with fertility treatments.I've only had a couple run in's with the new members of the ward. I will never take for granted the feelings and perspectives that people have with trials in their lives. I hope that I never say anything offensive and naive to others around me. The most recent comment was " Doesn't Jess like and want kids"? "That is a big house for just the two of them." " Doesn't she know that we are commanded to have kids"? I have decided to make it easy for her and just avoid her until I either follow the commandment and have a kid or punch her in the face if she says something again! As for now I will wait until we do a second treatment.