My little love bugs.

My little love bugs.
Bike park fun for Fall Break

Monday, August 2, 2010

LA- Brandon J.

A new fourth and current situation. I remind you that we have been at this adoption thing since the end of April. 3 months is not long at all. While visiting really great friends in Utah- Lance and Becky Reynolds (Brad went to school with Lance). I brought up the adoption stories and not only received some thoughts and inputs. But Becky's mother was visiting at the time and she had relatives of friends that had a baby that was born the end of Jul that would either need to be adopted or would have to be earned to stay with the mother. Now I do understand that this story is all about threatening and over whelming but stick with me! Becky was really concerned about the baby with drug problems as well as curious why I wasn't ecstatic and jumping up and down at the thought of having a baby. The answer first, I have experienced the drugs with every single hopeful mother that was giving the baby up for adoption. Second, I've jumped up and down being so excited and put all my eggs into the baby basket and have been let down tremendously. So believe me, it is a step in the right direction and a baby adoption is so exciting but i am not jumping until those papers are signed and the baby is sleeping in my new and amazing nursery!

I cont. with the story. The birth mother comes from a Catholic family, her father died on his 50th birthday and since then this daughter has all but freaked from what I've been told. She is a stripper in LA the father is 45 and she would love to keep the baby but has to meet court standards of accountability before her son can stay with her. She has a major drug problem that was born into her son. On the drug scale of 1-10 the baby was a 7 at birth and had to go through withdrawals and was eventually at a 3 last week. No med help with the withdrawals which is a good thing I guess!
So if this birth-mother can test negative for 3 months with drug testing she gets to keep the baby. As for me, I hope to be the first on the list for the baby and I will adopt anytime the contract is broken. Now! I am pretty much positive that if a mother can't get off the drugs WHILE pregnant with her son, she's probably NOT going to do it now. As for now I get prepared for any situation and hope that the 2 crucial months in the CPS program is all but perfect for this poor little baby! NO I don't get to see the delivery, or have the baby breastfeed or get to get newborn pix done. No romantics with adoption. We have to fork out large sums of money to cover travel and hotel expenses, adoption fees and attorney fees. I get to deal months on end with crooked druggie mothers who have the biggest decision in their life to make!
I still have this huge concern of the WHAT IF scenarios! What if a Meth baby does have brain damage or slower development, or no development? What if the baby has long term medical expenses? What if I can't handle what is given to Brad and I? What if I don't get an answer to whether I should adopt this baby or let it go to the real family prepared for this young spirit? How do I bring up these concerns without my husband thinking I am phyco and Mrs. Negative. Simple, I say it out loud, throw some drama curves in there and have my husband freak out on me! I can't figure out the difference between stupid and naive v.s. hopeful and positive. How can one just shake off the obvious facts and look on the bright side of things? How can one KNOW that the drug baby will be perfect and their will be no problems years down the road? Faith? Knowing that God knows us and will give us only what we can handle? I KNOW the answers I just don't believe them. I am weak and spoiled.
Imagine a person leaning over a sharp cliff and being told to step off it blind folded. Two options for this situation a scary but thrilling jump into hopefully water. Or wings from God that give this person the ability to fly over the cliff. The obvious response is "Jess you can experience this special needs problem in your own pregnancy. Medical issues and physical abnormalities occur to lots of people who have a healthy pregnancy." Um I hope that this would be a bit different considering I have a paid contract with a baby situation, with no 9 month baby bonding in the womb to help me through this. Bad things happen, I do not feel exempt from trials, all I am saying is I have concerns and I want what I can handle and I want the best if possible! Without drugs! As for now we take one day at a time and do our best to serve families around us, serve in our church callings, and pay an honest tithe always. In the mean time, Raylene my sister has announced that she is pregnant with baby #3 which she thinks is a boy. We are excited for her.

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